Five years seems like yesterday. Five years seems like an eternity ago. The language of loss never seems sufficient to the reality. There is no way to truly communicate the grief of a heart that has lost one so close. That phone call five years ago that pierced my sleep to announce that my Mom had passed from this world still rings in my heart each and every day.
We say things like, “she is gone”, but that isn’t really the full truth. Her body may no longer be with us, her voice may no longer give me encouragement, her laugh may no longer lead us to laugh with her, but she is not truly gone.
Mom, I see you in the way Evahlyn laughs with abandon and causes the whole room to laugh with her. I feel your love in the way so many have taken up your encouragement of God’s work in my life. I see your smile when Jameson smiles.
You are not truly gone because I remember the life you lived. I remember the way you loved us so well, the way you knew how to give the perfect gift for each occasion, and the example you left of what it means to be a good parent. I remember the way you loved across boundaries and the importance of kindness you showed in every interaction you had.
Memories Point Us To Our Hope
God gives us these memories to point us toward the hope we have in Him. We look back in order to look forward to the day we will see each other again in Christ. These memories give me something to hold on to until the day we worship together at the throne of Jesus for all of eternity.
I hate the fact that you aren’t here physically to see these babies grow up. I hate that they will never know you this side of eternity. I hate that for five years we have missed you.
But, I don’t grieve as one who has no hope. I believe you are among the great cloud of witnesses. I believe you know these babies better than even I do. I believe you smile at their personalities and laugh at the way they keep us on our toes. I believe you are still here in so many ways I cannot understand and I believe that all of this pales in comparison to the eternity that awaits, the eternity you are already experiencing.
We miss you. We love you. We will not forget you. We cannot wait to see you.
You know how hard this day is each year. I don’t understand why Mom is not here. I don’t understand why my kids won’t know their Grams this side of heaven, but I trust your goodness and your love.
Help us to keep her memory alive. Help us to love as she loved, to be kind as she was kind, to honor the legacy she left for us to follow.
Restore to us the joy of your salvation. Remind us of the truth of your promises.
So many have experienced so much more loss. Give them your peace. Point all of our hearts to Jesus.
Fill us with the hope of the Gospel. The hope we have in Jesus that death is not the end of life. The hope we have in Jesus that redemption and restoration are coming. The hope we have in Jesus that sustains us when grief seems too much.
You are with us, always. Remind us of this truth over and over again.
In Jesus name,